Philosophy & Mission

A Few Words About My Journey

Even though I have a doctorate in developmental psychology with specialties in parenting behavior and parent-child relationships, I was dumbfounded by the four traumatized, attachment-challenged children I adopted in 1996 and 1999. My children had all suffered on-going abuse and neglect during infancy and early childhood. In the clinical world this is referred to as “Complex Trauma”. CT is associated with severe developmental consequences that include attachment difficulties, learning disabilities and permanent brain dysfunction.

The confusion, pain, frustration and helplessness I felt in trying to parent my children led me to write my first book, “When a Stranger Calls You Mom”. Writing this book was an extraordinary journey of discovery as I poured through the literature and research, and attended numerous training seminars. But it was coupled with many moments of despair as I learned to accept the resistant nature of my children’s plight.

In this book I…

• Define attachment and mal-attachment.
• Include concepts regarding the unique structure, function and reciprocal nature of parent-child relationships.
• Introduce the perspective that healthy children naturally desire to compatibly match their attachment figure’s responsiveness to them with behaviors that satisfy the attachment figure, and that this desire and skill set is actually a necessity for normal child development to occur.
• Explain the behaviors characteristic of attachment-challenged children.
• Provide behavior management strategies including a relationship coaching model I developed that pretty much saved my life.

My second book, “Coming to Grips with Attachment” sprang from the desire of parents to better learn and master the relationship coaching model.

In this book I…

• Explain the concept of mutual well-being in parent-child relationships.
• Include lots of bare bones facts about the brain, attachment, and relationships.
• Define discipline, punishment, and consequences.
• Present many real life examples of our children’s behaviors and offer four strategies for managing negative behaviors and increasing positive behaviors.
• Go over step-by-step instructions on implementing the relationship coaching method.

In both these publications my goal is clear: help parents and their children achieve mutual well-being in their relationships. A mutual well-being paradigm recognizes the transactional nature of all relationships. Transactional means “a communicative action or activity involving two parties reciprocally affecting or influencing each other” and in so doing transforming each other. This theme permeates the work I do with parents and professionals. I teach parents how to compassionately meet the needs of their children as they teach their children to meet parental needs in the relationship; I teach therapists that all interventions must be non-harmful and helpful to both child and parent at the same time.

I do not presume that my methods are the be-all-and-end-all answer to your hopes and prayers. After all, the world of the traumatized/attachment-challenged child is complicated, multidimensional, and often puzzling to even the most experienced parents and practitioners. However, from the consistent positive feedback I have received over the years from parents, professionals and colleagues, I know that my Mutual Well-Being Model of family intervention is an essential tool for creating attachment-friendly environments, lowering family conflict, and increasing need satisfaction.

My Mission

The mission of Brand New Day Consulting is to strengthen families, train child welfare and mental health professionals, and promote public and professional awareness of:

• the necessity of appropriate, effective and responsible parenting practices (e.g., nurturing, responsiveness, control, and playfulness) throughout a child's life, and particularly during the first three years.
• the long-term and often permanent effects of early childhood trauma (abuse, neglect, and exposure to chaos and violence) on child development, families, and society.
• effective professional and therapeutic practices in working with children and families (non-traumatized and traumatized).
• the importance of supporting responsible parenting, and pro-family policies, legislation, and legal practices as they pertain to the best interests of children.

To accomplish this mission, Brand New Day Consulting provides a variety of services to Agencies, Organizations, Schools, and Families, including in-home parent coaching, workshop/training seminars, program and curricula development, mediation, and expert testimony.